The Irreverent Reverend

The church is full of hypocrites

            This is true. And should you ever decide to go or return to church you will join their number. No one lives the faith perfectly. Even the most devout people of faith fail the faith. The church is a human institution and as such is subject to the frailties and foibles of the human condition. Frederick Buechner wrote, “We live the faith in search of the faith.”

Church is boring

            This is also true, sometimes. If you go to church and find it boring all the time, find another church. Some churches are so married to the past and the way it has always been done that they don’t deserve what you might bring to the community. Remember, though, that church is not there to entertain you. It is there to encourage your faith, provide fellowship and teach you about the faith. It isn’t always fun, nor is it supposed to be.

I don’t know what I believe

            Half the folks who people the pews aren’t sure what they believe either. You will be in good company. Church is a place where you can ask questions and grow. Again, if you are visiting a church or considering a church where your questions are not welcome, find another church. The seeds of an adult faith journey are often planted in the soil of doubt and question. Sometimes we have to figure out what we DON’T believe before we can figure out what we do believe. It’s okay to back into the faith. Beware of religious leaders and institutions that have simple answers to unanswerable questions.

I don’t know anything about the bible

            Half the people in church don’t know that much either. Most people end their religious training in high school. It isn’t until they are adults that they may begin asking questions and desire to learn more. Find a church where bible study is important. Beware of what you read online. Read books like Marcus Borg’s “Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time” and “Meeting God Again for the First Time.” Barbara Brown Taylor’s “An Altar in the World” is another excellent read.

The church is hateful and judgmental

            The “church” that has the loudest voice is often hateful and judgmental. Real churches are all about community, love, grace, justice and mercy. Don’t paint all churches with the same brush as the ones you hear about on TV. Beware of television religion and religion with a political agenda.  

I have a church– related trauma and get triggered by religious language

            More and more church leaders are coming to understand how people have been hurt by the church. Make an appointment to talk to the pastor. Trust your gut. If s/he doesn’t “get it” let that be your guide. Be mindful that if you have been wounded in community there is a part of you that will only be healed in community. That doesn’t necessarily mean a church, but we all need a group where we feel safe and welcomed. Beware of sharing too much too soon. It can become the “label” you will carry throughout your connection at the church. Guard your deepest self until you test the waters and make sure they are safe for you. Trust your gut.

My kids play sports on Sunday morning

            Many children do play sports on Sunday morning. Folks have tried (unsuccessfully) for years to change that. Experience tells me that people make time for what is important. If church is important in your life, you will find time for it. Sometimes we have to make choices.

I am mad at God because (fill in the blank)

            It’s okay to be mad at God. Sometimes being mad at God is the first step in an authentic adult faith journey. If you’re mad at God it means the relationship has some possibilities. If God didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend the energy being angry.

I am interested in going to church but I’m not sure why

            Trust the little voice inside that is the beginning of your spiritual hunger. It’s not important to know why, it’s important to acknowledge the hunger is there. You can find your way one day at a time, trust your gut and find a place that is right for you. Remember, no one is an expert on your life. Beware of the religious leaders who “should” on you, telling you what you should do and how you should do it. A helpful pastor will assist you in finding your own way and support you as you do.

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I think one of the bravest things that people do is walk in the door of a church for the first time. Stepping into a setting where you may have bad memories, have learned lousy theology or any one of a thousand other reasons is a brave thing to do. If you are unsure (and you probably are), and don’t want people to accost you, show up late and leave early. It’s a great way to avoid talking to people until you are ready. Remember, if you get too triggered you can leave at any time.

Every faith journey begins with a question, a thought, a hunger. Those yearnings are trustable, and if you listen carefully to your deepest inner voice, you will find the place that’s right for you.

Better late than never. This week I switched to one of my winter handbags. Transferring things from one bag to another, I mused on the junk we women carry around with us: wallet, lipstick, Chapstick, business cards, pens and pencils, used tissues, a couple of Epi-pens just in case, and keys to this and that. (I’ve always had all my keys on one ring because I’m not organized enough to keep track of more than one key ring) It’s a mish-mash of stuff that ends up in a pack-your-clothes-for-a -week handbag. When most of the stuff is moved from one bag to another, I turn the summer bag upside down and shake it. A few coins fall out: pennies, nickels and dimes with a couple quarters bringing up the rear.

It occurred to me that life is paid out in pennies, nickels and sometimes dimes or quarters. Sometimes we choose how much we spend and where. With as much wisdom and intention as we can muster, we decide where to pay out the coins of our life and time. Other times those decisions seem to be made for us by the eclipse of time, changing relationships or just plain chance. Life can change in a heartbeat, and where we dribble out the coins of our life changes in response.

Years of working for Hospice taught me a lot about how people dribble out the coins of their lives. Sometimes the coin supply is running low and won’t be replenished because the show is just about over. Some people want a rewind so they can go back and do it all over again because it was so much fun. Some people want a refund because it wasn’t so hot, and they’d like a chance to fix it. Either way, we only get one chance to dribble our coins away in this life.

And if we do it mostly kind of right, it is enough.

I gathered up the change that fell out on the bedroom floor and took it downstairs to my coin jar, a gallon mayonnaise jar. I probably haven’t used a gallon of mayonnaise in all my 65 years, so I have no idea from whence the jar came. It is about a third full, with a combination of pennies, nickels dimes and quarters. I keep it beside my desk to remind me that this is how life unfolds, a few coins here and a few coins there. I never fill it all the way up, in part because I couldn’t lift it. But it also reminds me that there is always more where that came from. I think that if I were to hoard them I would grow stingy of spirit and this is not how I want to spend the coins of my jar or my life and time. I want to spend them freely and trust they will be replaced, and that somehow the rhythm and balance of it all will continue.

Rolling the coins in preparation for depositing them in the bank, the quarters are the big things to which I give my time– friends, family, and tending my inner garden. Dimes and nickels go to more mundane yet necessary parts of life like cleaning the house and grocery shopping. Pennies are reserved for the things I would never do if given the choice, but I’m not.

This sounds simple, but I’m never quite sure what value to assign to what. I used to think of the larger amounts were things that were hard, but as time goes on I see them as the things that bring the most joy. I spend a few more minutes pondering what costs what. I wrap the last of the coins and the process starts all over again. The jar is never empty and it is never quite full.  And that’s okay with me.