Lessons From the Tailgate Volume Five

Having time on my hands gives me time to think and reflect in ways that wouldn’t happen if I were busy in usual day-to-day life. The tailgate continues to be my teacher.

Lesson Number One: Mistakes are part of life. I no longer beat myself up (well maybe a little). I try to have the compassion for myself that I have for others. In any given situation I do the best I can. If it turns out to be a disaster, there is an opportunity for learning and growth. Just beating myself up occasions no opportunity for reflection. Every day awaits my unique fingerprints and teaches me something if I am paying attention. I had a boss who was fond of saying, “The day you don’t learn something new, grab your lily and lie down.” Good advice.

Lesson Number Two: What other people think of me is none of my business. I never cared much what people thought of me. I care even less now. Like me, don’t like me, I don’t care. It’s just that simple. What you see is what you get. Ministry is one of those situations where, if you worry too much about pleasing people or being liked, you will make yourself crazy. I figured out early on, with the help of wise mentors, that being faithful is the primary task of ministry. Some people are okay with that, others not so much. Either way is fine with me.

Lesson Number Three: Wise people are a gift and not all of them are older than I am. Children are marvelous teachers. I had the occasion to go out for pizza with a congregant and her young daughter. Turning the paper placemat over, Anna began to draw a picture. She made a house, lollipop trees and a bright yellow sun. Then she drew Daddy and herself and paused. Mommy asked, “Where’s mommy?”  Without missing a beat Anna said, “Mommy, you are still in my crayon.” There’s no other way I could learn that except from a child. People of all ages see life differently. I learn from them and like to think it gives me more tolerance for people whose lives are very different from mine.

 Lesson Number Four: Shit really is my favorite word. It can be a noun, a verb or an adjective. People can be dumb-shits, shit-heads or dipshits. Anger can be known as being rip-shit or ape- shit. False information is known as bullshit or horseshit. Days can turn to shit. It’s like the other curse words aren’t even trying. Shit is such a versatile word. You may be surprised or scandalized by this. Please refer to Lesson Number Two.

Lesson Number Five: Being retired is a gift. It took me a while to get to this one. I had no intention of retiring at fifty-seven. My body had other ideas. After a few years of being angry about it, the gifts of this time in my life are becoming clear. I have more time to putter around with my hobbies, more time to spend with my family, more time to reconnect with old friends, more time to write and do some coaching as well as preaching here and there. I loved every minute of my active life in ministry, but living a different season of ministry is a new kind of gift.

Lesson Number Six: Aches, pains and paralyzing fatigue are the outcome of breaking most of my bones at some point in my life and living with a few chronic diseases. I can spend all my time griping about what I can’t do, or I can get underneath this and see there is genuine grief for the losses that illness, injury and age have brought to my life. Tending to that grief is important. There is a reason it is called grief work. It is mental, emotional and spiritual work. If I dig a little deeper, I see clearly that this new season has its own unique gifts and graces. Enjoying life at a slower pace, savoring experiences by paying closer attention, more time for reading and reflecting are just a few things that lie on the other side of grief. I also like to think that joining the rest of the world with a few aches and pains plants some seeds of compassion.

Lesson Number Seven: I would much rather have learned all these lessons from reading a book. But somehow I don’t think it would be quite the same.