Thoughts on Being Human

It is widely believed that Jesus said it is more blessed to give than to receive. In truth there is no evidence of that in any of the gospels. Still it is an expression we have taken to heart. Whoever said it (widely believed to be Paul in Acts 20) neglected to mention that it is also a lot easier. Giving makes us feel good. Making meals for a sick friend or working for a charity gives a sense of satisfaction.

Giving also feeds our sense of independence. It demonstrates our ability to manage our own affairs and help others with our resources. Having our own house in order feeds the “rugged individualism” introduced by Herbert Hoover in the late 1920’s and early thirties. It is now woven into the warp and woof of our culture. There is no question it is easier to give than to receive regardless of whatever blessing may come our way as a result.

This perspective also means it is pretty hard to ask for help, or to need help. It can be seen as a sign of weakness, some indication we can’t manage our own affairs. For the most part we hate to be needy. Some say that being needy when accustomed to being totally independent is humbling. I’m not sure that is the right word. Merriam Webster Dictionary defines humbling as, “to lower someone’s dignity or importance.” While it may be a feeling we have when we are needy, in truth this definition is not helpful.

Asking for help or needing help in no way lowers one’s importance or dignity. It simply means life circumstances have changed. These changes may be temporary or permanent. Either way it has nothing to do with dignity or importance.

What lowers one’s dignity or importance is being made to feel shame for being needy, being “less than” or being marginalized. What erodes dignity is not having access to what one needs. In our culture access and importance are assigned by social status, economic resources, education, productivity and a host of other false categories.

Our importance is defined by being human and being made in the image of the Divine. It has nothing to do with what we do, what we have or what we need. It is all about who we are. A better definition of being humbled comes from my favorite apologist Frederick Buechner, “True humility doesn’t consist of thinking ill of yourself, but of not thinking of yourself much differently from the way you’d be apt to think of anybody else.”

Humility has nothing to do with neediness, ours or anyone else’s. Another way of thinking about neediness is as an expression of interdependence. Interdependence creates a framework for shared humanity. Interdependence assumes we will all take our turn at being needy. It also suggests we have some responsibility to others when they are needy.

Most of us have some remedial work to do when it comes to asking for help. Looking at our assumptions and values around neediness is a good place to start. We all stand on equal ground in the heart of the holy. It’s a good place to start.