Author: Pat Liberty

While much of the world is gearing up for four weeks of unbridled consumerism, Advent invites us on a different path. Advent is a quiet time, as my seminary professor Maria Harris said, “To sit back on your soul.” Advent asks us to listen for the Voice under the voices.

What we have done to Christmas is unfortunate, to say the least. How it evolved into a time to buy more stuff for people who already have too much is beyond me. How it became a time to worship a baby rather than consider what this baby became and how he lived will forever baffle me. How it became of paramount importance that Mary was a virgin is nothing more than a nod toward the universal church’s angst about human sexuality. I don’t get that either. We have made a sorry mess of Christmas, perhaps because it is easier than really getting down into the heart of the message.

The Season begins with a grating voice. John the Baptist was out there in the wilderness.  He was also just out there in general. He looked like an unmade bed. He dined on bugs and honey, which inevitably stuck in his ample beard. He hollered to anyone who would listen that it was past high time to get it together. The current state of affairs was unacceptable to the God of Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, and Jacob and Rachel. It wasn’t too late to turn things around and stop grieving the heart of the Divine, and folks needed to get to it forthwith.

It’s an apt message for our time. A global pandemic, financial ruin for so many, more deaths than anyone in their right mind can get their brain around, as well as the sorry mess we are making of our planet are just a few of the things blipping on our radar. It’s overwhelming. The needs are so great we feel powerless to make a difference. It’s easy to think the one little thing we are doing won’t make any difference.

According to Chaos Theory (also an apt image for our time), the things that change the world most are these little things. A butterfly flaps its wings in the Amazonian Jungle, and subsequently a storm ravages half of Europe. Introduced by Edward Lorenz, Chaos Theory illustrates the interconnectedness of all things. It’s enough to give us pause. What we are doing impacts the rest of the world. How we live changes how others live.  Chaos Theory is a reminder that it is precisely the little things that have the potential to save the world. If we all do our little things, whatever they may be, they become a big thing and the quality of life for our planet and its people is changed. Some really smart person commented, “If the whole world swept in front of its own door the world would be a cleaner place.”

The message of Advent is that the Holy comes into the mess and muck of the world. The hope of Advent is that the Holy comes into the mess and muck of our lives. Showing us the way to live differently, this season is about realigning our priorities with God’s dream for all creation. When we take the time to “sit back on our souls” we can see just how far we have wandered from the nearest outpost of God’s realm. It’s never too late to find our way back.

Advent is one part waiting and one part action. The waiting is sometimes the hard part. We are so impatient. We get antsy if the traffic light is too long. We live in the age of instant everything, from oatmeal to diet pills. Waiting is shutting out the noise and listening for a voice that comes from deep within showing us the way to make a difference and live differently, even in the smallest of ways.

The second part is acting on it, not just in this season but all year round. The hungry are as hungry in July as they are in December. The poor are as poor in June as they are in December. Our penchant for buying toys for kids who don’t have enough to eat is, to me, pretty dumb. We are trying to help children be more like us by having more stuff. I don’t get that either. Most of the rest of the year we don’t give much of a thought to who is hungry, who is homeless and who is struggling.

Making this season different from the way the world makes it means listening for a different Voice. It is the voice of compassion and justice, generosity and peace. It is finding the rhythm of the season and its gentle balance between reflection and action. It is “sitting back on your soul” and seeing where it takes you.

Buy Nothing Day began in Vancouver, BC, in 1992 when a group of people decided to openly challenge the culture of consumerism.

Within a few years it moved to the day after Thanksgiving in the United States.  Also known as Black Friday, it is one of the ten busiest shopping days of the year. Economic forecasts for the coming year are often conjectured from the shopping days between Thanksgiving and Christmas, beginning with Black Friday.

 Buy Nothing Day is now observed in 65 nations around the world by people of every religious persuasion, those of no particular religion and everywhere in between.  The common commitment is to openly challenge the pervasive culture of consumerism that is degrading the environment and creating bigger gaps between the rich and the poor. 

Participating in Buy Nothing Day is a concrete action that stands against the economic machine that kicks into high gear in the season known as “The Holidays.”   It is a powerful reminder that can help anchor the rest of the season. 

Jesus was born into a peasant family in a time when crushing poverty was the lot of most people.  His message of release, justice and peace touched people at their deepest level of need.  As people who celebrate the in-breaking of the kin-dom in the world, focusing our giving on those in need, and shunning mindless consumerism is a subtle but powerful witness to the true meaning of this season.

This year why not discover the surprising joy of buying absolutely nothing on Black Friday? 

This pandemic is getting old. Actually, it’s been old for a while. And it shows no sign of letting up any time soon. Angst, worry and uncertainty are the stock of this time. These are all expressions of grief.

The loss of normalcy is a source of grief. Everywhere we turn we are reminded that these are strange times and we are far from what normal looked like before March. When life is normal we can delude ourselves into thinking we are in control. We are permitted no such delusion in these days. Wearing a mask, not being able to gather with family and friends, working from home (if we have a job at all) are stark reminders that life is profoundly different–and not in a good way.

Part of the loss of normalcy is the uncertainty of it all. It’s unclear how long this is going to last. We don’t know when we will be able to live life without angst about getting ill or making someone we love ill.  It’s hard not to worry about an unknown future.

Grief in this pandemic asks the question, “how much more normal are we going to lose?” Not having an answer is hard.

Another part of grief is the loss of feeling safe in the world. It’s dangerous to go out and be with people. It’s dangerous to go shopping. It’s dangerous to be in groups. It’s dangerous to gather with our family. Thanksgiving is potentially lethal, and there’s no way we can make that okay.

Pandemic grief is a constant emotional whiplash. It is understandable why depression and anxiety rates are skyrocketing across age groups and other demographics.

While we may be on the fence about gathering for Thanksgiving, consider a few things. It is one day, twenty-four hours just like any other day. It is a Thursday; there are 52 of them every year. It is the fourth Thursday; there are 12 of them every year. The day, however, is imbued with such emotional baggage it’s hard to remember it’s just another day. Thanksgiving is the quintessential God, mom and apple pie holiday. Historically there is more travel on Thanksgiving than any other day of the year. It’s possible the loss of this day is a flash point for other losses related to the pandemic. If it seems your reaction to all this is a little out of whack, consider what part of it has to do with Thanksgiving and what part has to do with pandemic weariness and grief.

What’s important to remember is that feelings are neither right nor wrong; they simply are. You may be feeling anger, sadness, uncertainty or just some amorphous blob in the pit of your stomach that has no name. When it comes to feelings, the only way out is through.

Sit with your feelings; take time to feel them and name them. Validate your losses, fears, anxieties and sadness.  Remember that so far your track record at getting through difficult times is 100%. When you feel like you are coming unglued, remember you are stronger than you think and more resilient than your know. Think about what has helped you through hard times in the past. How can these things be helpful to you now? Remember that even if you are a weepy mess, you are fine just as you are and you are going to be fine going forward.

Remember that sheltering in place does not mean isolating in place. Reach out. Learn how to use FaceTime or Zoom so you can “see” your family and friends. Remember the telephone; it doesn’t transmit the virus even if you sneeze.

Work at creating a new normal in this COVID bubble of weirdness. Establish some kind of routine. Include the things you love to do and balance them with the stuff you have to do. Take up a new hobby. Read a book, learn to knit, organize a closet, or weed through clothes you haven’t worn since Ford was president. The options are endless. Allow some time each day to check in with yourself and see how you’re feeling. Don’t beat yourself up, just feel. Allow those feelings to be expressed in your body. If you are feeing angry or frustrated beat a pillow or go outside and scream. If you are feeling sad, allow yourself a good cry. If you are feeling uncertain, do something that brings stability in the midst of all that feels like shifting sand. Balance doing something productive with quiet time for reflection. Consider starting a pandemic journal where you write your thoughts and feelings from day to day. Focus on the small things you can do to control something in the moment. Sometimes deciding if you want milk or juice with a meal can give a little foothold in the shifting sand.

Limit how much news you watch. Enough said.

Don’t “should” on yourself. Some days you will not be able to get out of your own way. It’s okay to binge-watch Netflix and zone out. If you are feeling deeply depressed, consider reaching out to a therapist or your doctor. Telehealth and teletherapy appointments are pretty common these days.

 Remember that grief is at least one part love. Loving the life we live and the circle within which we live is about loving life. Missing the complex and wonderful life we share with others is missing what and whom we love. Be gentle with yourself.

Reconciliation is one of those five dollar theological words that often seems like a mash-up between some skewed understanding of forgiveness and a win/lose that requires the “loser” to finally agree the other party is right. Then a few coats of varnish are slapped on to make it all look pretty and life goes on much as before; nothing changes.

In one form or another, reconciliation is a central concept in most of the world’s great religions. It is called by various names. Reconciliation is the language of the Judeo Christian tradition with which I am most familiar.

Let’s begin with what reconciliation is NOT. It is not a free pass for the wrong one party does to another. It is not a forgiveness freebie where one party agrees to “forgive,” often through clenched teeth and tight jaws. It is not leaving the status quo in place and going on as if nothing happened. Reconciliation is not forgive and forget (that is Shakespeare, not the Bible).

Reconciliation requires far more of us than cheap talk. The goal is a restoration of relationship in which both parties feel heard and a mutual agreement about how to move into the future is constructed. It asks that we be more concerned about the relationship than about being right. It asks us to move forward with mutual compassion and care. Reconciliation asks us to have enough humility to trust that something new is possible.  Reconciliation asks us to remember and honor the past and each other while seeking a common truth and a shared story that allows moving forward.

Differences are the not the problem. The problem is that we stop listening to each other. Layers of anger, hurt, feeling diminished and judged are piled on until the original issue is obscured and the ability to communicate is destroyed. In truth, differences can be a source of richness to our relationships, adding different perspectives and different views. Unity among people is never meant to be sameness.

The goal of reconciliation is healed relationship. There are multiple kinds of reconciliation: interpersonal, among groups, among regions/territories or countries, with creation and with the Divine (however one understands the Divine). Reconciliation takes a step toward Shalom, which means far more than the absence of war. Shalom is about deep well-being for people and creation. It is rooted in love, respect and compassion.

Reconciliation begins when one is ready to “lose oneself” and take ownership of the division and the reality of the pain it causes.  It is inherently risky, fully intentional and it takes time. It requires stepping across invisible lines of division in the hope of realizing a glimpse of the Holy One’s dream for all of creation. Reconciliation doesn’t ask who is right or wrong; it asks what is possible when honesty and desire come together for the sake of a shared future.

There are four steps to the reconciliation process, and it is a process not an event. These four steps are linear, but they are not a cookbook recipe to follow that guarantees an outcome.

The first step in the reconciliation process is some awareness that the relationship is broken. One individual or group reaches out to the individual or group with whom the relationship is broken. Both parties agree to show up for the process.

 Second, there must be a willingness to listen at a deep level, scraping away all the inflammatory rhetoric and hyperbolic language to create a different energy that allows understanding and empathy. Empathy does not require one’s cognitive assent to how the problem is stated. Running it through the brain to decide if it is a worthy position does not lead to reconciliation. Empathy is a response of the soul. It asks for genuine compassion toward a pain or hurt one may not understand.  

Third, there must be sufficient preparation on both parts. A commitment to respectful listening, making “I” statements, and moving away from blame are firm commitments each party can make ahead of time to ground the process. Each party needs to decide what they are prepared to do to be reconciled. There can be no persuasion or coercion in true reconciliation. Boundaries and limits must be respected.  

Finally, there must be a frank discussion of what actions are necessary (on both sides) for change going forward. Then the work of living into the new relationship begins.

It is painfully clear that a host of relationships are broken in our world, our country, our communities and our families. There is much talk about healing and surely healing is needed.  True healing is predicated on reconciliation. There is a temptation to rush toward some form of “healing” that is much like the mash-up on reconciliation referenced earlier. It doesn’t work and it adds another layer onto an already broken relationship. Let’s start the work of reconciliation with a vision of what it might look like and a willingness to listen deeply and lovingly to one another. 

At the time of this writing, it is likely the outcome of the election will be unclear. It is also possible this lack of clarity may continue for some time. What is clear is that there will be discontent. For some the very life of our democracy depends on the occupant not getting another four years. For others, the very life of our democracy depends on the opposite.  

If you did your civic duty and voted, there is little that can be done to further impact the outcome. If you did not vote, shut up. It’s as simple as that. If you don’t participate in the process, you don’t get to gripe about the outcome whenever it becomes known. 

What we can do and what we must do is not lose heart. Paul’s second letter to the church in Corinth says, “So we do not lose heart…because we look not at what can be seen, for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal (2 Cor. 4:16,17). We stay the course of what we know to be right. We continue to advocate for the poor and dispossessed. We continue to participate in civic life in ways that reflect our values. We continue to speak truth to power. We continue to bear witness to the light, love of justice and mercy in the midst of darkness that will not abate no matter who wins the election. The divisions at work in our country will not be magically healed after the election. This is what makes our work so very important.

The truth is that our world is a deeply broken place. Greed and power conspire to hold some up while pounding others down. Every “ism” that defines us is one more layer that separates what ultimately should not be separated. History repeats itself. In the time Jesus lived, the Romans exploited and extorted money from the poor. Exorbitant taxes that no one could pay caused people to lose their land. Antiquated religious laws embodied in corrupt religious leaders colluded with corrupt political leaders to place social and religious burdens on the poorest of the poor. It was to these people that Jesus spoke the Good News. It is to these same people in our time that we are to speak that same Good News.

Our loudest petitions and prayers are spoken in action and deed. St. Francis said, “Preach the Gospel at all times. If necessary, use words.” Every act of love, every bit of kindness and every deed of justice no matter how small engages the inherent goodness of the universe. The Holy is everywhere and we both embody it and bear witness to it when we live from our deepest center where the Holy lives in us. By whatever name the Holy is known: God, Buddha, Yahweh, HaShem, Allah, Ik Onkar, Vishnu or one of the other hundreds of names for God in the great religions of the world, at the very heart of it all is love.

Each day let us live life to the fullest, making choices that bear witness to the Holy. Every day let us live for the best of life and the integrity of creation. Every day let us dream for others the same dreams we dream for ourselves. We need one another because we cannot do these things in a vacuum. We need encouragement to show up for love in a world that is not always loving. We need affirmation that we are on the right track when it feels like we are all alone in doing what is good and right and just. We need voices around us that speak the same language, so we can hang on to hope when hope seems hard to find. 

The race for a world where there is enough for all and love is the law will not be to the swiftest or the loudest. It will be to those who persevere and do not lose heart. The world needs you to be loving, gracious, passionate witnesses to the best of what it means to be human, for therein lies the hope of the world. You are not alone.