Like Church, Only Not

Since my blog last week many have written to share their stories with pets that have touched their lives. I love hearing from you. Thank you for writing.

One comment reminded me that organized religion is not everyone’s cup of tea. Yet, the desire for connection remains. Enter “The Nearness.” According to a story from the Religious News Service, “The Nearness is an online community where people of all religious and non-religious backgrounds can nurture and define what spirituality looks like for them outside of traditional religious institutions.” You can learn more about The Nearness here.

Casper ter Kuile and Alec Gerwitz founded The Nearness last fall. Their vision for this online community came from a desire to have different religious experiences than those provided in their childhood.

The Nearness provides courses on various topics and engages leaders from various traditions and philosophies. The courses provide guidance as well as “prompts for reflecting, asking questions, finding connection and experimenting with new practices and rituals.”

The Nearness is a community that has appeal to the ever growing population of the spiritual but not religious. This online community is a place where everyone is welcomed and affirmed, a place where people can be honest, as well as give and receive compassion. As an aside, it is a pathetic commentary on the church in general that so often it is NOT. It is interesting to note that many people who participate in this community are still affiliated, but not connected to a congregation.

For years research has shown that the single largest factor in member retention in religious communities is making significant friendships with other members. Ter Kuile notes that the data show that fewer people are making significant relationships within the church. Their  feelings of disconnection and isolation cause them to cease participation.

This does not bode well for the church. That said; I have no investment one way or the other in whether the institutional church survives. In fact, in its current incarnation I think it needs to die.  How such a radical, countercultural community of ordinary people, misfits and outcasts became the symbol of the status quo in a capitalist, success oriented, consumer culture is mind boggling. Perhaps in place of the thousands of churches that are closing every year, new vital communities that offer what people need and a vision for how to serve others might spring up. It’s pretty clear that the current model isn’t working.

In addition to groups for learning and growing The Nearness is experimenting with different kinds of rituals to ground significant life experiences. One thing that remains with people who may participate in religious life at no other time is that they often want to be married in a church, have their children baptized and have a minister preside over their funeral. Creating rituals apart from traditional religious ceremonies, allows significant life cycle events to be grounded in community and in ceremony.

I think The Nearness is on to something here. Maybe the church can learn a few lessons. Online opportunities for group participation, more small group interaction and a true spirit of hospitality are a good place to begin. Then, if the church could lose its self-righteous piety it might have a fighting chance.