The Power of Ritual

If there’s one thing we can say for the British, they surely know how to do ritual. The exact choreography of the Queen’s funeral was a sight to behold. The attention to detail was astounding, right down to her beloved Corgis waiting for her at Windsor Castle.

 The route of the funeral cortege was lined with thousands of people, some of whom had waited as long as twenty-four hours. Millions of people around the world rose early in the morning to see what was reported to be the most watched event in television history.

In addition to showing the world’s eternal interest in all things royalty, it hints at the meaning and power that attend life cycle rituals. A funeral brings people together for a common expression of shared mourning. It creates a socially sanctioned expression of grief for those impacted by the loss. Further, a funeral is often a way to express feelings that have no words.

According to Rebecca J. Lester in an article in Psychology Today, “One of the most important features of rituals is that they do not only mark time, they create time. By defining beginnings and ends to developmental or social phases, rituals structure our social worlds and how we understand time, relationships and change.”

A funeral marks a moment in time, the end of a unique and unrepeatable human being. It also marks a different time going forward. The funeral of a husband or wife marks the end of the marital relationship and the beginning of a new social status as widow or widower.

There are several trends in our society that alter how we experience ritual. First, the pandemic fundamentally altered what was possible for rituals. Thousands of people were denied the ability to gather together with their extended family and community of meaning to acknowledge the passing of their loved one. Second, people may decline to have any kind of ritual because they think it is “easier.” They fear being emotional in front of other people or not being able to handle the starkness of a funeral. Finally, more and more people no longer participate in organized religion because the church has become irrelevant to them. In losing that community, they also lose access to life cycle rituals.

Rituals have been part of the human experience for thousands of years. They take on increased meaning in times of uncertainty and change. The death of a loved one can be the greatest upheaval one experiences in this life.

Dimitris Xygalatas, in an online publication called The Conversation writes, “Rituals are highly structured. They require rigidity, and must always be performed the “right” way. And they involve repetition. The same actions are done again and again. In other words, they are predictable.”

It is precisely the rigidity that turns so many people off when it comes to religious rituals. But the unintended consequence is that the anchor rituals provide is lost. Rituals can ground us when we feel unmoored from everything familiar. This grounding helps to reduce anxiety and stress caused by the death of a loved one.

For millions of people around the world who were enamored with the longest reigning Monarch in the United Kingdom, the pomp and circumstance and ritual provided a structure and a socially acceptable opportunity to grieve. Every person in the massive crowd was there for the same reason. There is tremendous affirmation of one’s feelings when they are shared by others who gather for the same ritual.

Rituals are part of what build resilience in us. They provide us with something to hang on to when it seems everything else is falling apart. The sense of control rituals provide is illusory to be sure, but they offer a measure of comfort for the moment that allows one to move forward in the grieving process.

This is not a pitch to get people to go back to church for the sake of life cycle rituals. It is, however, a plea for considering the place and power of ritual in the changes that happen in life. A ritual can be anything you need it to be. A gathering of people, some music, a little poetry, some story telling. The possibilities are endless. Regardless of how the ritual is put together, it is an anchor in the midst of change that helps define next steps.