Sometimes I Wonder

I wonder about the simple fact of this existence. It renders me silent. The wonder and mystery of dew drops snared in a spider web or the sun inching over the horizon and chasing away the night are occasions for marveling. When morning mist on the water of the bay clings like a grey shawl or the moon and stars appear with predictable comfort, it all fills me with wonder. I am truly awestruck.

The word awesome has become cheap. So many things are awesome.  I’ll be there at 6:00.  Awesome.  I can do that tomorrow after all.  Awesome. Awe means to be filled with wonder, overcome with emotion by the sheer beauty, mystery, complexity or simplicity of being human.  It is reserved as a superlative for human experience.

Sometimes I how wonder how life has become so cheap, so ordinary and so common that we have lost a sense of the wonder of it all. Think about the simple mystery of breathing, the wonder of seeing color and depth; the enormity of human emotion; our capacity for both incredible joy and wrenching sorrow; the gift of curiosity and the thirst for knowledge, understanding and wisdom; the tenacity of the human spirit that keeps us trying despite the odds, despite multiple failures and the mocking of others. I wonder how it is that we humans have the unique ability to imagine how things might be and then set forth a plan to move toward it.

Sometimes I wonder about the simple fact of this existence.  All of it.  I marvel at the gift of sleep and the miracle of awakening and how it is that I breathe without thinking about it. I am overcome with the feeling of my feet as they reach the floor and of being able to stand.  I ponder the mystery of remembering yesterday and planning for tomorrow.

Sometimes I wonder about the simple fact of this existence.  Why birds are so many different colors and sizes and their songs so unique. I marvel at the sheer size of moose and elephants and teeny tiny bodies of mice and salamanders. I marvel at the trust and loyalty of pets and the richness they bring to our lives.

I am drawn into the deep green of late summer leaves and how different they are from the fresh, pale green of spring. I am amazed at the vividness of fall colors and the ever shortening days.

And in moments of cynicism I marvel at the seemingly unlimited capacity we humans have to screw it all up and how history repeats itself again and again. I wonder how people come to hate with such white-hot hatred, how it is that people become so broken and how they can be relieved of their pain.

Sometimes I wonder how we can so blithely abuse our planet, dumping thousands of tons of trash into the ocean until there are floating cities of plastic and refuse in the oceans around the world. I wonder how kids can be so cruel to each other. I wonder if it is true that most mass shooters were the misfits and the bullied, the ones who didn’t fit in for whatever reason. I wonder why we shame fat people and shun those who don’t look right, smell right or have the right clothes. I wonder why we are afraid of or disgusted by the homeless when most of us are no more than two or three paychecks away from homelessness ourselves. I wonder about the underbelly of human pain.

When cynicism, fatigue and sheer disgust threaten to overwhelm me, I choose to wonder about what is good and beautiful and gracious in this life. It’s not a cop out; it is sustenance for the soul that allows me to go back to all that is broken with renewed commitment to doing what is my part to do. I depend on the miracles in life so I can deal with the brokenness of life. I depend on the beauty of life to deal with the ugliness that sometimes threatens to swallow me whole.  I depend on the graciousness of human beings to ground me so I am not soured on humanity’s cruelty, rage, greed and apathy. I depend on the present moment as an opportunity for change so I do not despair about the future. Each present moment folds into the next moment and all are occasions for change.  I resonate with Carrie Newcomer as she comments, “I can’t change the world, but I can change what is three feet around me.” If we all changed what is three feet around us the world be very different place.

Sometimes I wonder what this moment, and the next and the next would look like if we all did our three feet.